Introduction Foreword Chapter 1 - In Praise Of Children's Parties Chapter 2 - So What Was Chapter 1 All About? Chapter 3 - Inviting Trouble Chapter 4 - We've Only Just Begun Chapter 5 - Beware Of Strangers Bearing Gifts Chapter 6 - Let The Games Commence Chapter 7 - That's Another Fine Mess Chapter 8 - Feeding Time At The Zoo Chapter 9 - To Be Or Not To Be Chapter 10 - Tea For 2 (or 20, or 200!) Chapter 11 - Everybody Get Down Chapter 12 - The Party's Over Appendix 1 - Parties Outside The Home Appendix 2 - Further Reading Appendix 3 - Table of Contents

The Complete Children's Party Survival Guide

By Rob Grigor

 

CHAPTER 1


BUT FIRST A SONG (Well a poem actually)

IN PRAISE OF CHILDREN'S PARTIES

'Twas the day of Amelia's party
A day full of laughter and cheer.
Amelia was singing and dancing,
Her parents were shaking with fear.

"It will all be such fun" said Amelia,
"And there's no need to worry you'll see,
Even though from my list of twenty best friends
I've had to invite forty three.

"But they're all well behaved" she continued,
"There'll be no one whose naughty, it's true!
Except perhaps Tommy or Mary or John
Or the one they call "Kid Super Glue"!!

At three thirty the doorbell rang loudly,
The party, it started at four.
"I'm sorry we're early", said Tabitha's mum,
"And I hope you won't mind just one more,

Only Tabitha's cousin is staying
And I thought maybe she could come too,
Well I'd better be off. Oh look, here come some more!
I don't want to hold up the queue".

By a quarter to four everyone had arrived
All forty three guests, plus six others!
The presents were opened, three games has been played
And they couldn't get rid of the mothers!

Well Amelia's parents did battle
And considering the odds, did quite well,
They'd played twenty five games by four thirty,
But the strain,it was starting to tell.

What with cries of "I don't want to play this"
And "I haven't won anything yet"
And Kid Super Glue running loose in the loo,
'Twas a day they would never forget.

The balloons and the nice decorations
Which they'd both worked so hard to prepare,
Were now lying in tatters around them,
But at this point they just didn't care

"I think we should eat now" said Mummy,
Then her look changed to one of dismay,
'Twas a noise like a thousand stampeding Wild Boar
And it seemed to be coming her way!

Well she managed to save the tea table
When the children descended, as one.
"Don't forget that you've all got a blower" she said "
And please put your party hats on".

What followed was truly horrendous,
As the blowers were put to the test
And with forty nine children all blowing at once,
You'll have to imagine the rest.

The party hats proved yet more trouble,
The elastic on half of them broke.
The food was half eaten, half thrown and half dropped
And the table, a river of Coke!

The re-lighting candles could not be blown out
And Amelia she started to fret,
So forty nine mouths blew along, the result,
Candles out, and the cake soaking wet!

Well tea-time it took fifteen minutes or so,
They could not make it last any longer.
And Amelia's parents were starting to dream
Of the time they could drink something stronger.

But before that could happen they had to survive
One more hour (it all finished at six)
And with every game used up and no more ideas
They knew they were both in a fix.

So in desparation they said to the hoard,
"Why don't you just play with the toys".
They then tried to ignore the ensuing furore,
The destruction, the mayhem, THE NOISE!!

The last hour flew by in what seemed like a week,
The quietness descending like heaven
As the children withdrew, apart from a few,
Who imagined it finished at Seven!

'Twas the day of Amelia's party
And she'd had a great time, that was plain
As she went to bed dancing and singing,
Her parents cried "NEVER AGAIN"!!

 

Introduction Foreword Chapter 1 - In Praise Of Children's Parties Chapter 2 - So What Was Chapter 1 All About? Chapter 3 - Inviting Trouble Chapter 4 - We've Only Just Begun Chapter 5 - Beware Of Strangers Bearing Gifts Chapter 6 - Let The Games Commence Chapter 7 - That's Another Fine Mess Chapter 8 - Feeding Time At The Zoo Chapter 9 - To Be Or Not To Be Chapter 10 - Tea For 2 (or 20, or 200!) Chapter 11 - Everybody Get Down Chapter 12 - The Party's Over Appendix 1 - Parties Outside The Home Appendix 2 - Further Reading Appendix 3 - Table of Contents

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